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Saturday, April 16, 2011


The Mets were going to lose two today and they knew it before they even took the field. After the Braves scheduled last night’s rainout to be played today as part of a Doubleheader, Mets management - led by Sandy “Khaki Pants” Alderson - lodged a complaint with MLB. No shit Blobbers, the Mets felt the Braves were being unfair by making them play a freaking Doubleheader. How soft have we become? If you are pissed at the Braves, go out and kick their ass. You think Ray Knight would have complained about playing two games. How about Keith or Carter or Strawberry or Backman? Met fans, we now have a GM who has assembled a team that he is afraid to put on the field. Disgraceful.

Hey Sandy, have you ever won anything? We know about the freak parade in Oakland when you sat back and allowed an entire clubhouse full of juicers to shoot needles into each other’s asses; but we mean have you ever won anything legitimately? The answer is no. Maybe instead of paying J.P. Ricciardi and Paul DePodesta to pick up your dry cleaning, you could have put the money toward a relief pitcher or a second baseman. Sorry, if we are going too fast for you, but this is New York speed - get used to it. That’s enough for now. Go lay out you polo-shirt for tomorrow, you guys have a day game.

 “You see fellas, I get to wear the blazer cause I’m in charge.”


You may ask yourself...why you thought Chris Young would hold up? You may ask you thought the Mets were telling the truth when they said he'd be OK? You may ask yourself...why Sandy "Khaki Pants no Money Ball" Alderson is not catching any heat for putting together a pitching staff more damaged than the women sleeping Charlie Sheen?


Here is the simple low down on game one: 
• D.J. Carrasco sucked. 

• Our offense struck out 8 times and also sucked. 

• The Mets drop their 6th game in a row. 

• It's Saturday night. Grab a cocktail, and let's see if we can blow number 7! I'm sure we can, cause we sure do blow.

• Enjoy game 2! Pelf is on the mound, and he sucks real bad on the road!



After giving up 3 home runs by the 3rd inning today in game one of the twin bill in Atlanta, D.J. Carrasco thinks about legally changing his name to B.P. Carrasco.


After learning that the Mets are scheduled to play a double header tomorrow at Turner Field, David Wright called an impromptu press conference in the lobby of the team’s hotel. “I really don’t think it’s fair for us to have to play so many innings in one day. First of all, it’s tiring. We had a grueling spring training and a rough start to the season, and none of us have had any time to kick back and chill. I’m also looking to grow that stubbly beard thing that I do from time to time, and I really need a few hours to shape it up. The guy that does Jose’s eyebrows is in town, and he’s agreed to work with me. If I’m on the field all day, we won’t have the time to hook up.”
When reminded of the legendary Ernie Banks quote, “Let’s play two,” Wright chuckled. “That was easy for Banks to say. 
He could hit, hit for power, run, field and throw. Who wouldn’t want to play two with that kind of talent? 
Banks would have never said that if he sucked.

Playing two when you suck is brutal. That’s like 18 innings. Are you F---ing kidding me? 
In 18 innings I could conceivably swing and miss like 24 or 30 times. That takes a lot out of a guy."

Mets all-time record at Turner Field: 38 wins, 78 losses

Friday, April 15, 2011


D.J. Carrasco got himself a D.J. Pauly D. blow-out for his spot start tonight in Atlanta. When asked why he went with the Jersey Shore icon's look, Carrasco had this to say, "Yo, I like to keep my do real tight under my lid. The way I sees it, is if my hair is already blown out...I won't get blown out tonight on the hill. You feel me? Yeah buddy!"

Tune in for the Friday night pain.
METS • BRAVES Tonight 7:30pm

Thursday, April 14, 2011


Traveling through Georgia is always fun and exciting. What could possibly go wrong for the Mets?
Bobby Ojeda and Chris Carlin insist on doing a remote and making the trip to Atlanta, but due to budget constraints they are not invited on the charter. Ojeda, an avid outdoorsman, asks Chris to join him and Kayak to the game. Carlin is reluctant but Bobby O convinces him that the banks of the Cahulawassee River are made from Pound Cake and lets him know that the rare, but delicious, Meatball Parm Fish are running. Yummy!
Carlin takes the bait and climbs aboard. Hopefully the boys will make it to the stadium in time for the pregame.
“You’ve got purty chins Chris!”


It’s only a matter of time before Terry Collins blows his top. He admitted during post game news conference that he is “biting his lip” and we can feel the steam starting to build in his tightly wrapped skull. He preaches “playing the game the right way” but his team does not look ready to take the field. Mets pitchers lead the league in walks as well as walks to 8th place hitters. When the Mets bats put runs on the board, the pitchers cough up the lead in the next half inning.

The fielding has been atrocious. Harris and Harriston make us long for Vince Coleman and Roger Cedeno. Hell, we will take Dave Kingman’s glove at this point. H and H approach fly balls like they are trying to avoid bricks falling from a scaffold. They are in all out panic mode. Beltran, in an effort to not look as foolish, routinely allows the ball to land over his head and hobbles gracefully after it.

We at Mets Blob are not big Luis Castillo fans but he would have made every play Emaus botched in today’s game. How Ruban Tejada, a fantastic fielder, failed to make the squad is beyond us.
• Troy Tulowitzki in the 4 games in NY put up slow pitch softball numbers going 10 for 16.
.625 BA
4 walks.

• Troy Tulowitzki has hit 22 home runs in his last 40 major-league games.

The boys are off to Atlanta. Good luck with that.




"Little Piggy, you're clear for LaGuardia runway #4."

Mets drop game one 6-5

Mets Blob predicted that Tulo would make Citi Field look small, and he has done that and then some. Still on fire, Troy went 3 for 4 in game one of the double header with a walk. One of his hits was another bomb off Bobby "Beyond Over Rated" Parnell. A late fight with home runs by Reyes and a 2 run blast by Hairston in the bottom of the 9th got the Mets once again within one run. Back to back singles by Thole and Beltran knocked Street out of the game and brought a hot Reyes to the plate with one out. Reyes hit in to a fielder's choice, putting runners at 1st and 3rd. Reyes stole second base with Murphy at the plate. Murphy drew a walk to load the bases for David Wright. With a 3-2 count, Wright flew out to deep right field, and the Mets lose once again by one run. The Mets are not only on the verge of being swept in the double header, but of being swept in this 4 game series with the Rockies.
Aside from the late push in the 9th, the Mets were horrific in the outfield, sloppy on the on bases, and Dickey was once again wild.

• Troy Tulowitzki is 8 for 12, hitting .667 with 3HRs and 7 RBI against the Mets so far, with one more game to go. So much for Troy being a slow starter.

May says, "Dickey OK."

"Dickey gonna be just fine," says May of May's Nail Salon on West 14th St. in Manhattan. "He come here all the time. He pitch knuckle ball, but it's really a finger nail grip. But I fix him up good." May believes the temperature shift and dryer air in the northeast compared to Florida this time of year may have caused R.A.'s nail to split. When Mets Blob asked May how she thought he'd do on Thursday against the Rockies, she had this to say, "Dickey a good tipper, good tippers are winners."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Gary and Keith commented on the frightening setting at Saul Katz Field tonight. The fog, the mist and the chill were indeed eerie. At one point Gary called for Vincent Price to make an appearance. No disrespect to Mr. Price, but his films can’t hold a candle to the horror show at Saul Katz Field. The Wilpons took taxpayer money and ill gotten gains from the Madoff scam and created a graveyard with bleachers on Flushing Bay. Even when the Mets were at their worst, Shea had a vibe to it that was special. This place is a hell-hole with a Shake Shack. If the Mets don’t have Exorcist Night on the schedule yet, they better get to it soon. They can give out Rotate-Head, Linda Blair Dolls to all lucky ticket holders. Hell; why not let the little demon perform? Can she possibly be more terrifying than the pitch Niese grooved to Tulowitzki or Wille Harris stumbling around in the outfield like Ed Coleman at Happy Hour?  “Ladies and gentlemen, now levitating for the NY Mets, number 666, Linda Blair, number 666…”


Mets Blob really enjoyed this documentary/concert film and now you can watch it online 4/13-4/15.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011


In an exclusive interview with Mets Blob, Jason Bay questions if a return to the Mets is worth the trouble. “I’m absolutely crushing the ball down here. I know it sounds funny, but I find that it’s much easier to hit when the ball is not moving. Yesterday I scorched a line drive that knocked the juice box clean out of the third baseman’s hand. If I get one up in the air it leaves the park like it’s supposed to. It kind of reminds me of Fenway. Another cool thing is after I hit one in fair territory, the coach points to the base I’m supposed to run to, so I don’t have to worry so much about the mental part of the game. He also says stuff like ‘that-a-boy slugger’ and always asks us if we have to pee before we get in the van. I’m not knocking anyone, but Jerry Manuel and Francona just didn’t care like Mr. Perkins does.”


Sorry, kids. Tonight's game is rained out. Try to find another way to get stressed out this evening.

Just Say No

Mets Blob is not sure if this 80's flashback would help us stay off drugs or run to them. It's about an hour before game time folks, and we say, "Whatever gets you through the's alright, it's alright."


We at METS BLOB understand the baseball season is a long one. There is much logic in pacing your team, and moreover your pitching staff, to survive and thrive in the long haul. But the Mets need to win now. No, it's not too early to tell as many like to say...we've heard that for years, and "they" are always wrong. These early games matter a great deal. The games in August and September will be meaningless for the Mets if something is not done fast. So who cares what kind of shape the Met pitching staff is in on August 27th vs. the Braves? We don't. It won't matter. 

If the current trend holds, important chunks of our team will be gone by July. September baseball will be in June for the boys from Flushing. Play like you really mean it fellas, and Terry, coach like it's game 7. Go all out, and don't wait. If a guy is pitching well, leave him in the game. We don't care about his past, the weather, or any other bullshit chart you can come up with. Men and women all over the country do far tougher jobs in a lot more pain than a pro pitcher after 100 pitches, who gets the next 5 freaking days off. 

And we don't want to hear the term "quality start" unless a guy is leaving in the 8th. "Quality start" is just another term made up by some stat geek to help him better understand a game he couldn't even play at a T-ball level. Yeah, I'm talking about you too, creators of OPS and WHIP! All the math, stats, charts and videos are not improving anyone's performance like HGH and Steroids did...and in some cases still do. Because the men on the field have gifts and talent beyond what can be put down in a chart.  

ROCKIES VS. METS tonight @ 7:10pm
E. Rogers       J. Niese
I hope we enjoy some Johnny Niese tonight...until then enjoy some Johnny Cash.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Rockies 7 - Mets 6


• Pelfrey did not do the job again. He threw 113 pitches in 5 and 1/3 innings, leaving with 2 men on in the 6th. Calling that outing progress is a joke. The pen is awful and overworked. A good starter understands this fact and goes at least 7 innings.

• Willie Harris lost a ball in the lights. In all his years of robbing the Mets, has anyone ever seen him misplay a ball? Oh, we forgot, players forget how to play baseball when they join the Mets. METSBLOB will actually cut Harris some slack here. Beltran wore flip-down sunglasses in right field late in the game, which means the lights must be screwed up in Saul Katz Field. Does this surprise anyone? The Mets management can’t even get basic shit - like lights - to function. They probably laid-off the guy who positioned them.

• We know Igarashi and Parnell can’t find the plate from 60 feet; now we know that they can’t find the plate from 20 feet either. Ralph Kiner was more accurate throwing first pitch in the home opener. He is 88.

• To say Parnell grooved the pitch to Troy T is an understatement. Bobby looked like a frightened little leaguer on the mound and he threw a - get over - meatball to one of the best hitters in baseball. Tulo as predicted by METSBLOB, made Citi Field look small.

• Jason Isringhausen did a nice job. He went on to have a nice career following his trade from the Mets. For those who forget, he was dealt for the immortal Billy Taylor, who was beyond garbage.

• Sandy "we have no money ball" Alderson is getting a total pass. If Omar put this pen together he would be getting ripped big-time.

Hide me Bobby V.

Having now dropped 6 of their last 7 games, the Mets (mostly the bullpen) are making us want to hide in a Bobby V. disguise when we enter a sports bar. "No, I'm not Steve the Met fan from Patchogue with an eye black mustache...I'm Chaz from Ohio and I love soccer."

In the Mind of Mike

Dear Mike,

    We here at Mets Blob have been on your case. We admit we make a lot of jokes at your expense. Frankly you're a big target, and in many ways, you have it coming. But you must understand it's just our version of tough love. We are like parents dealing with a troubled teen, and we are at our wits end. This is when we have to give you the "You need to get your shit together and fast" speech. 
    We realize that the loss of your sports psychologist, Harvey Dorfman, was a big blow just before the season began. But it's time to grow a pair. You learned from Harvey, and he helped you, and that's great. But it's time to leave the nest. You don't need a baby sitter anymore, Pelf. You're a grown ass man. I'm sure Harvey would want you to learn from him, grow, and move on-not retreat into a hole of self important, hand licking, jersey chewing, infantile nonsense.
    As hard as it might be to accept, it's NOT all about you. You are part of a team, and your meltdowns are jerked off bullshit and not fair to the rest of the Mets. If the team's ship does not get David Wrighted soon, there will be a Wilpon fire sale by July.  We will lose Jose Reyes to the highest bidder, and that would be awful. Jose is the best all around short stop in the history of the franchise, and it would be impossible to replace him. Jose has had his own focus issues and injury set backs. But it will suck big time for Met fans to watch him reach his baseball prime and hit his full potential in a Red Sox uniform. 
    The problem isn't your arm, or your ability, or your skill. It's your nickel head or "yips," as you like to call them, getting in the way of your multi-million dollar gifts. You are young, but you are beginning to squander what could be a fantastic career with attention getting jack assery that has nothing to do with baseball and everything to do with self-serving horse shit. 
    If you put the team first, you will become a winner again. You don't need a book or someone to hold your hand. You need to be a leader once every five games. If something goes wrong, move on, and get the next guy. Base runners, errors, and bad calls are a part of the game. Baseball is filled with imperfection and the unexpected, and that's why we love it. We know all your outings won't be perfect. Why don't you? Man up, Mike. We all have loss in our lives. It's an unfortunate reality of being human. But we still do our jobs and move on with life as best we can. It's time to finally be a big boy and lead the team instead of dragging them down into your mental quicksand.

"What matters most is how well you walk through the fire." 
-Charles Bukowski

Good luck tonight!

Mets Blob


Dear Sirs,

I resemble any notion that my stability is in question and therefore my concentration, in such that I am a finely tuned world class athlete that focuses on the task at hand and is not distracted...pudding, I love pudding...whatsoever by any such bad calls or Josh Thole or gremlins - not the good kind - impacting my performance in the least. To prove my athletic prowess and unmatched focus - BUTTERSCOTCH - I have enclosed a top secret photograph of my winning performance for Wichita Heights High in the Silly Olympics. 

Yours sincerely, and with a moist grip, Admiral (retired)

Michael Pelfrey

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Iggy & Izzy up, Boyer & Duda Out

Ryota Igarashi and Jason Isringhausen are on their way to Queens to fortify the pen. Blaine Boyer was designated for assignment, and Lucas Duda was optioned to Triple-A Buffalo. Looks like Harris and Harriston will cover most of the time in the outfield on Beltran's off days and until Bay returns. Harris and Harriston were also a hilarious vaudeville team. Not as hilarious as Murphy in the outfield, but still a very funny duo.

Young was great. The Mets were not.

Sorry, Chris. You should be 2-0. Thank you for your fine performance.

Nats beat Mets in 11 innings, 7-3.

• Chris Young had another great start and basically owned the Nationals.  

• As soon as Young leaves the game in the 8th, the Mets' pen blows a 3-1 lead.

• The NY offense was pathetic, striking out 17 times today. 

• Jose Reyes got the Mets' only hit after the 6th with a lead off single in the bottom of the 10th. Harris failed to bunt him over, then struck out. Reyes went 1st to 3rd with a great base running play on a David Wright ground out only to be stranded at 3rd as the potential walk off run. Shocking-the Mets stranded a runner at 3rd! Yeah right, that's what they do best. They should have tried a hit and run or have Reyes straight steal during Harris' at bat. We can't bunt guys over unless it's the pitcher, because we can't give up any outs. We know this goes against National league baseball logic, but so do the Mets. How many times in the last 3 years have we seen them get a runner to 3rd with no outs or one out, and never get him in? Seems like hundreds. It's a sickness. And you can forget about getting him in with 2 outs-that's just crazy talk.

• Next game vs. the Rockies is Monday night at 7:10pm with the return of lunatic fringe Pelfrey. Hey Mike! Mets Blob would like you to work on pulling your head out of your ass now, so you can help your team. Watch Troy Tulowitzki make Citi field look small. Visiting players seem to have the ability to do that.

The Happy Nightcap & Reflections

After watching WalK-Rod pitch the 9th, METS BLOB recommends making your Happy Nightcap a double.

• Beltran goes yard twice. Good for Carlos.

• Not sure if Capuano watched his METS BLOB welcome video, but we hope we provided some inspiration. Chris pitched a decent game, though he twice gave up runs after he was staked to a lead - not a good sign.

• Ike Triples, Ike Triples, Ike Triples. It sounds so nice we say it thrice. Davis smacks a 2 run triple to put the Mets ahead in the 6th.

• Parnell was shaky in the 8th, choking the ball and spiking it in the dirt. He pulled it together, but there was no way Terry was leaving him in to pitch to Matt "Beer League Bomber" Stairs. Rodriguez gets him to groundout.

• Reyes drills an 8th inning 2 run double to give Mets 8-4 cushion.

• So it’s 8-4 Mets in bottom 9, and WalK-Rod comes in and can’t find the plate. He walks the first two and goes to full count on Ankiel before getting a DP ball.

• Maybe Francisco was too jacked up after taking some vicious hacks in his first Major League plate appearance in the bottom of the 8th. He went down swinging. Clearly it's easier making contact with your common law father in-law than it is major league pitching.

• In bottom of the 9thGary teased the Post Game show. Keith, frustrated by a long, sloppy, game, said, “The post game show should have been on half an hour ago.”  METS BLOB loves Keith.

THE NEW DR. K: David Wright is striking out at an alarming rate. He had 2 K’s tonight and already has 10 for the year. SNY showed his career strikeouts:
2007 – 115 strikeouts
2008 – 118 strikeouts
2009 – 140 strikeouts
2010 – 161 strikeouts
David gets cut a lot of slack in this town. METS BLOB tells it like it is. David, you are not Ryan Howard. Stop swinging for the fences, and hit line drives. We know it hurts to hear this, but HoJo was not the girl for you. Stop texting his sorry, porn-mustached ass, and let him go. You look silly at the plate. Drive the ball the other way and make contact. A number 3 hitter can't K this many times a year. To give you an idea of how high his strike out totals have become, in 1984 Keith Hernandez had his highest strike out total as a Met with 97.

Chris Young tries to bring us a win in the rubber game on Sunday. GO CHRIS!