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Saturday, March 3, 2012

Wright, Ike, & Harvey gone, but not forgotten

When news of David Wright's rib strain, Matt Harvey's injured finger, and Ike Davis' Valley Fever hit the Met fan base, impromptu memorials sprang up all over the Tri-State area. The front office claims they are going to be fine, but we all know the truth. They are already dead and gone. Fred & Jeff Wilpon will finally confess David's passing when Bud Selig forces them to at the trade deadline in July. In an effort to not lose any more ticket sales, the Wilpons have ordered an animatronic David Wright to be constructed at Walt Disney World in Orlando. The team of Disney engineers is the same team that made Abraham Lincoln for the Hall of Presidents. Reason being, the Lincoln robot has the same rigid qualities as David. Therefore, it will be easier to program to make errant throws, strike out constantly, and attack an unassuming Met defender on a routine pop up play. The Wilpons have already conditioned us to never see Ike Davis again and as for Matt Harvey, we will forever be told that he's just not ready.