ANDY PETTITTE: LYING FOR JESUS

Apparently Jesus told Andy Pettitte that lying about his conversations with Roger Clemens is okay as long as you present yourself as an "aw shucks" hick that "misremembers and stuff."

This is very similar to Jesus telling Andy to play for Houston because the team owner was a lunatic born again Christian too. Or the time Jesus told Andy to retire and spend more time with his children.

This, of course, was right before that wacky Jesus said "Andy, your children are no longer important. Get back on the mound."

Not to mention the time - excuse me - the two (admitted) times Jesus told Andy that it was ok to take performance enhancing drugs.

Mets Blob is still a little unclear though. Why did Jesus tell Andy to be BFF's with Roger Clemens in the first place? If Roger, by all accounts, is a world class douchebag; why would the son of God tell Andy to sniff the Rocket's jock for so many years?

Who knows? The Lord works in mysterious ways.

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HOUSTON WE HAVE A SWEEP

Admittedly, the Blob listened to this unforgiving blood bath of ineptitude on the radio, and that is a good thing. Not because Howie Rose and Josh Lewin make the pain of falling 3 in a row to the Astros in miserable fashion easier to swallow, but simply because the Blob didn't see it. Out of sight is a little easier to get out of the mind. The Blob didn't see Chris Schwinden get lit up, Houston put another token in the Manny Acosta BP machine, or sit through the countless meaningless game interrupting reports form Kevin Burkhardt about why Houston has a choo choo in the outfield or some other equally mind numbing shit. The Blob doesn't think Kevin is bad at what he does, the Blob just doesn't want him to do it. It's much in the same way the Blob felt about Doug Henning. Was he a fine magician? Sure. Do I have any interest in watching his act? Fuck no.

The only thing the Blob can think of that would be harder to erase from his Blobby brain is HD Hobo Porn. The Blob does not even know if there is such a thing as HD Hobo Porn and is deathly afraid to google it. If HD Hobo Porn exists it could possibly be the most horrific road of visual land mines from which you may never fully recover.

You couldn't pull and Andy Pettitte and trick yourself in to thinking there maybe 50/50 chance you mis-watched HD Hobo Porn. If you watched it you could never escape it. Like Dexter, it would be your "Dark Passenger." The Blob can only imagine what you Blobbers who watched now feel like? Dirty, used, and disenfranchised a under an artificial Houston train track. Look out! There's Kevin Burkhardt and he's fixing to give your ravaged, soiled bottom another go! No wonder Lucas Fluda can't get well. The Blob feels icky.
Here is a real recap if you really dare to read it.

http://scores.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=320502118

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