A-Rod wants to have A-Rod's Baby
"So many people have told me to go fuck myself that I'm thinking of giving it a go." A-Rod
A-Rod granted Mets Blob this exclusive interview.
Mets Blob:
Why are you trying to become your own Baby Daddy?
A-Rod:
Science has made me a soulless freak of nature. The technology is here for me to carry my own baby. Now, I just need to figure out how to enter myself.
Mets Blob:
What about artificial insemination?
A-Rod:
You mean like Jeter and a turkey baster?
Mets Blob:
Umm...
A-Rod:
Listen, artificial insemination is just not an option. It must be done naturally. Being natural is what I'm all about.
Mets Blob:
(Laughter...)
A-Rod:
Why are you laughing?
Mets Blob:
You're a walking pharmacy and a sham. All those home runs you hit in Texas aren't legit- even you admit that. Maybe because you got caught and had to, but you admitted it. Take those HR's away, and you have not passed 500 yet, forget 600.
A-Rod:
I don't see your point. All my bats were made of wood, and wood is natural.
Mets Blob:
Since your divorce you have dated many high profile women. Madonna, Kate Hudson, and most recently, Cameron Diaz. Why not start a family with a woman?
A-Rod:
I'm great at everything I do, and I think I would make an awesome chick. Plus, Madonna is selfish and has a bunch of leftover kids already, Cameron is getting kind of old, and Kate never wanted kids.
Mets Blob:
Kate has a kid from ex-husband Chris Robinson.
A-Rod:
Right...yeah...but she said she never wanted another kid.
Mets Blob:
She's pregnant now.
A-Rod:
What? No...Really?
Mets Blob:
Yep.
A-Rod
You work for TMZ?
Mets Blob:
No, Mets Blob. How do you think your two children from your first marriage would react to you impregnating yourself?
A-Rod:
Who cares? They're kids. Besides this wouldn't be a half brother or sister to them because it would be all me. Nothing awkward about it at all.
Mets Blob:
Are you doing this because you feel some kind of biological, or your case Balco-logical clock ticking?
A-Rod
Na, it's nothing like that. It's just so many people have told me to go fuck myself that I'm thinking of giving it a go.
Shortly after talking to Mets Blob, A-Rod learned that his ailing hip would make it impossible for him to carry a child and give birth naturally.
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