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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Sacrificing Sanity

Reds 6 - Mets 5

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Albert Einstein


Mets Blob once had a friend named Larry. Larry learned from an old wives tale that the fast track to mastering Portuguese involved striking oneself in the temple, repeatedly, with a ball-peen hammer. Larry was sure he would have the language down pat in no time.

Each and every day in the weeks prior to his long awaited Brazilian vacation, Larry followed the plan to a tee: Right hand to right temple; left hand to left temple; right hand cross to left temple and left hand cross to right temple. To Larry's dismay,  no matter how faithfully he hammered his temples, Portuguese was not coming easy. In fact, after day 4 Larry could not even say the word Portuguese - referring to the romance language as Porterhouse or, at times, Porridge.

He considered stopping about 8 days in after he noticed the unsightly ball-peen divots bracketing his face but Larry was hell bent on communicating with Brazilian women so he carried on. He was dedicated, I grant him that. On day 11, we threw old drool face in the trunk of my Monte Carlo and carted him to the nursing home. 

Not a word of Portuguese has ever come from Larry's lips. It has been 15 years now. His main activity is napping, face first, in his breakfast plate. On occasion, he will jab a fork into his head for the thrill of it but thats about it. 


In the bottom of the 9th inning the Mets trailed the Reds 6-5. Willie Harris roped a double and the Mets were in business. David Wright got hit by a pitch and everything was in place for a stirring comeback victory. Nick Evans - who had 2 hits on the night including a 2 run double - came to the plate and all was well in Metville. Evans has been one of the Mets top hitters for the past few months. He's the man we want at the plate. He might just gap one. Or dare I say... he might park one in the seats.

No chance. Terry Collins calls on Evans to sacrifice bunt. Terry, no one on your team can bunt. You see it every day, yet you continue to call for the sacrifice. Nick Evens had a much better chance to hit a long fly ball to advance the runners than he did to lay a decent bunt down.

Evans put down a lousy bunt and Harris was forced out at third. The immortal Josh Thole followed with a weak double play grounder to end the game. Beautiful.

Terry, the Blob is going to pick you up on Saturday to take you to Shady Pines Home for the Chronically Fucked-Up to meet my friend Larry. You two have a lot in common.

Jose Reyes went 3 for 4 to take a slight lead over Ryan Braun in the NL batting race. Braun sat out tonight's game. Jose drove in the Mets 5th run in the 8th by scorching a double but was nailed at second when he rounded the bag too far. Horrible play. Jose carried the tying run and was caught in no mans land.

Lets see Jose go 7 for 9 over the next few games to bury Ryan Braun. No Met has ever won a batting title. Now is the time. 

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