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Sunday, March 27, 2011


Why steal the Mets home run apple from Citi Field? "Why not?" says Jeter. "It's a great prank. I've been doing stuff like this since my brief stint at Michigan. It's just like stealing the other teams mascot. For example, we had no idea what a Buckeye was, but we knew people in Ohio had goats, so we'd just go steal them. It was awesome. But now I've matured comedically, and I owe a lot of my new comedy style to playing with A.J. Burnett. His pitching can be really shaky, but his comedy is tight. The shaving cream pie to the face? Come on that's brilliant! Chris Rock once told me he wished he thought of that shit. Now stealing the home run apple is what we in the comedy world like to call a slow burn prank. Citi Field is huge, like Yosemite huge. By the time one of the Mets hits a home run at home it could be June. Everyone will be waiting for the apple to rise behind the centerfield fence, and it won't because it will be in my apartment in Manhattan. Yep, my apartment is that big." 


  1. Why not mount that bad-boy on the roof of your Ford Edge?

  2. He can't due to the cool new panoramic vista roof.

  3. Jeter's plan is to put it directly behind second base. That way it'll stop all the 5 hoppers he doesn't reach because he's got the range of Granny Smith.