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Sunday, July 3, 2011

The Happy Nightcap

The Happy Nightcap

Mets 3 – Yankees 2

Late Game Magic

The Mets trailed the Yankees today 2-1 going to the bottom of the 9th inning. Mariano Rivera took the mound to close the door and things looked bleak in Metsville. The obnoxious screams of spoiled, front running Yankee fans filled the air at Citi Field as Mets fans braced for the inevitable. The sweep. Two quick outs and the unctuous swine got louder. Yankee blowhards were in full force, screaming at the tops of their bloated lungs. Mets Blob wishes we could make out what the Yankee fans were saying but when they yell like that they don’t use words. It is more of a collective, mocking groan.

It is very similar to the sound Andrew Dice Clay would make if he was violated in a prison shower: “Ugh…Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!” 15,000 douchebags grunting in unison: “Ugh…Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.” They all make the same face, too. It is very similar to the face Andrew Dice Clay would make if he was violated in a prison shower.

But wait. A two out walk to Jason Bay and a single by Lucas Duda put runners on first and third. Josh Thole is coming up. Wait, that’s not Josh Thole, that’s Ronny Paulino - batting for Josh Thole.

Terry Collins goes to the right handed bat to take Mariano’s vicious cutter away. Bang! Paulino strokes a single to right field and the Mets tie the game at 2. The slimy Yankee fans fall silent. When a Ruban Tejada grounder squirts through the legs of Ramiro Pena it looks like the Mets might win. No – too good to be true. Brett Gardner nails the lumbering Lucas Duda at the plate and we play on.

Fast forward to 2 outs in the bottom of the 10th. The bases are loaded - not as loaded as the vile Yankee fans - but loaded. How did we get here? Oh, right. Ex Met Luis Ayala - now sucking for the Yankees - started the mess. Ayala was replaced by the even suckier Boone Logan. The Boonester got Daniel Murphy to hit a weak chopper to short but Ramiro Pena butchered the play for his second huge error. Joe Girardi goes to the pen and brings in the immortal Hector Noesi.

Jason Bay awakens from his nap and ambles to the plate. A vacant “God Bless Lobotomies” stare comes across the faces of the Yankee faithful. Could the mighty Yankees actually choke the game away? Crack! Jason Bay rips the ball into the right center gap and Scott Hairston comes home with the winning run.

Mets Win! Mets Win! Mets Fans go wild and laugh - Max Cady style - as they usher their unwelcome guests from the park. The shocked and confused Yankee brethren slink away, returning to the holes they crawled out of.

-Mets Blob Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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