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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Bay to Undergo an Emergency Operation

The Mets are flying Jason Bay to New York to undergo an emergency operation at the Hospital for Special Surgeries. Ever since Jason signed with the Mets 2 seasons ago, everyone has wondered, "What’s wrong with this guy?" The All Star-turned-albatross has mystified baseball experts and fans alike with his hideous decline in production. No one questions his work ethic or his swell Canadian demeanor, but the fact is Jason blows, and all of you would hustle for between $16-$18 million a year. Dr. Encompodence at the Hospital for Special Surgeries believes he knows what has been ailing Jason Bay. The doctor believes if he acts quickly, he can cure Bay with a radical, but minimally invasive surgery before opening day. “In my medical opinion, Jason has an accute case of suckitis…one of the most severe cases I've seen in my career,” Dr. Encompodence explained. When asked if this was discovered by blood work or MRI, Dr. Encompodence answered, “Neither. My theory was easily proven using the SNY Viewer Diagnostic. If you watch SNY, it’s as plain as day, the nose on your face, and Carson Daily. Jason Bay sucks. We're worried it could become a suck pandemic. We think we can successfully remove the suck from Jason and then put a protective boot on his leg for no reason a until opening day.”

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