•Phillies 10 - Mets Zip•

David Wright admitted after the tonight's pounding by Philadelphia that the NY Mets are in a rut. Mets Blob, however, does not think the Mets are in a rut. The Blob more realistically describes the Mets as pinned by a giant bolder in the "127 Hours" crevasse, forced to drink their urine, and in need of a very tight tourniquet to stop the bleeding before they must saw off their arms with a flimsy pocket knife just to stay alive.

Tonight's game was a horror film that we have never seen before. Not because of the carnage, but because of the way the Mets were put down. Normally, the slow moving, mentally challenged, creepy horror film monster is never quite knocked out. They hit him with a bat and run, and he's around the next corner. Watching the slasher flick, you yell, "Hit him again, again, again! He's not dead yet-don't run! Kill him! Kill him! Make sure he's dead!"

The Mets were in no way a monster threat to the Phillies tonight, but Cliff Lee made sure they were dead, done, and gone. Lee was like a semi mowing down a three legged stray dog on the BQE. But he didn't just hit the hobbling pooch with the fury of all 18 wheels once...he backed up and ran the sick pup over and over, and over again until the former Beast from the East was 2011 roadkill.

Keith Hernandez should be the new head of the Mets' medical staff. We know Keith has the World Series rings, the MVP award, the batting title, the Gold Gloves, the silver slugger awards, the Seinfeld episode, and the most bodacious bro-stash this side of the Mississippi. But he should be made head of the Mets' medical staff for one simple statement he made tonight in reference to Jose Reyes' return from his second go round with his hamstring injury. Keith said, "Whenever they think Jose is ready to start playing, wait one more week." Genius, Keith! Genius!


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