LOSERS APPROACH GAMES LIKE LOSERS

The Mets were going to lose two today and they knew it before they even took the field. After the Braves scheduled last night’s rainout to be played today as part of a Doubleheader, Mets management - led by Sandy “Khaki Pants” Alderson - lodged a complaint with MLB. No shit Blobbers, the Mets felt the Braves were being unfair by making them play a freaking Doubleheader. How soft have we become? If you are pissed at the Braves, go out and kick their ass. You think Ray Knight would have complained about playing two games. How about Keith or Carter or Strawberry or Backman? Met fans, we now have a GM who has assembled a team that he is afraid to put on the field. Disgraceful.

Hey Sandy, have you ever won anything? We know about the freak parade in Oakland when you sat back and allowed an entire clubhouse full of juicers to shoot needles into each other’s asses; but we mean have you ever won anything legitimately? The answer is no. Maybe instead of paying J.P. Ricciardi and Paul DePodesta to pick up your dry cleaning, you could have put the money toward a relief pitcher or a second baseman. Sorry, if we are going too fast for you, but this is New York speed - get used to it. That’s enough for now. Go lay out you polo-shirt for tomorrow, you guys have a day game.

THREE BLIND RICH WHITE MICE

 “You see fellas, I get to wear the blazer cause I’m in charge.”

YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF...

YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF...
You may ask yourself...why you thought Chris Young would hold up? You may ask yourself...how you thought the Mets were telling the truth when they said he'd be OK? You may ask yourself...why Sandy "Khaki Pants no Money Ball" Alderson is not catching any heat for putting together a pitching staff more damaged than the women sleeping Charlie Sheen?

NOTHING NEW HERE. METS LOSE AGAIN.

Here is the simple low down on game one: 
• D.J. Carrasco sucked. 


• Our offense struck out 8 times and also sucked. 


• The Mets drop their 6th game in a row. 


• It's Saturday night. Grab a cocktail, and let's see if we can blow number 7! I'm sure we can, cause we sure do blow.


• Enjoy game 2! Pelf is on the mound, and he sucks real bad on the road!


V-O-D-K-A, VODKA, VODKA, VODKA!
LET'S GO VODKA!

D.J. CARRASCO CONTEMPLATING NAME CHANGE

After giving up 3 home runs by the 3rd inning today in game one of the twin bill in Atlanta, D.J. Carrasco thinks about legally changing his name to B.P. Carrasco.

APRIL SHOWERS BRING DOUBLE HEADERS

LET’S NOT PLAY TWO

After learning that the Mets are scheduled to play a double header tomorrow at Turner Field, David Wright called an impromptu press conference in the lobby of the team’s hotel. “I really don’t think it’s fair for us to have to play so many innings in one day. First of all, it’s tiring. We had a grueling spring training and a rough start to the season, and none of us have had any time to kick back and chill. I’m also looking to grow that stubbly beard thing that I do from time to time, and I really need a few hours to shape it up. The guy that does Jose’s eyebrows is in town, and he’s agreed to work with me. If I’m on the field all day, we won’t have the time to hook up.”

When reminded of the legendary Ernie Banks quote, “Let’s play two,” Wright chuckled. “That was easy for Banks to say. 

He could hit, hit for power, run, field and throw. Who wouldn’t want to play two with that kind of talent? 

Banks would have never said that if he sucked.

Playing two when you suck is brutal. That’s like 18 innings. Are you F---ing kidding me? 

In 18 innings I could conceivably swing and miss like 24 or 30 times. That takes a lot out of a guy."

Mets all-time record at Turner Field: 38 wins, 78 losses

D.J. CARRASCO GETS A BLOW OUT!

D.J. Carrasco got himself a D.J. Pauly D. blow-out for his spot start tonight in Atlanta. When asked why he went with the Jersey Shore icon's look, Carrasco had this to say, "Yo, I like to keep my do real tight under my lid. The way I sees it, is if my hair is already blown out...I won't get blown out tonight on the hill. You feel me? Yeah buddy!"

Tune in for the Friday night pain.
METS • BRAVES Tonight 7:30pm

ROAD TRIP!

Traveling through Georgia is always fun and exciting. What could possibly go wrong for the Mets?

Bobby Ojeda and Chris Carlin insist on doing a remote and making the trip to Atlanta, but due to budget constraints they are not invited on the charter. Ojeda, an avid outdoorsman, asks Chris to join him and Kayak to the game. Carlin is reluctant but Bobby O convinces him that the banks of the Cahulawassee River are made from Pound Cake and lets him know that the rare, but delicious, Meatball Parm Fish are running. Yummy!

Carlin takes the bait and climbs aboard. Hopefully the boys will make it to the stadium in time for the pregame.

“You’ve got purty chins Chris!”